It is always amazing to me how one can wake up in such a foul mood. Is it restless sleep, bad dreams?? Who knows. All I know is I woke up in one this morning. I am sick and tired of being tired, being pregnant, and hubby being gone all the time.
Pregnancy isn't all that bad for me, I am not sick, so far no troubles at all other than slightly elevated blood pressure at my last appointment. But I am tired...oh am I tired. Especially in the mornings, it takes me at least two hours and a shower to wake up properly. I am trying to take things easy and not stress about getting things done, however I do worry about being a good mom to Gracie through all this. I really want to treasure this time I have with her, it will be the last few months where she is our only child, and I want to enjoy each moment. I am not one of those moms where interaction comes easily...I have never really enjoyed kids games or playing with kids...I don't know if I have no imagination or what it is, but I feel like I leave her to play on her own far too much. I do enjoy crafts and coloring so I do try to join her in those activities....but most of the time, lately, I am just to tired to think! I pray that I can handle this and that I give Gracie and the new babe the attention and time that they deserve.
I also think part of my blues is wintertime blues. I just want it to be warm and springlike. I want to be outside, pottering out in my yard. And I know Gracie wants that too, she is sick of snow.
Hubbys store opens tomorrow, thank goodness. It has seemed like forever in coming. Needless to say though, since it is opening right away, he has been working insane hours, he was gone all day yesterday, gone this morning when we woke up, and won't be home until after Gracie is in bed. I feel terrible for her, she doesn't understand why....."I want my daddy, Daddy, you don't have to go to work!!" It breaks my heart, and I know it breaks his too. This won't last forever....but while it is lasting, I have to just keep swimming as Dory says....just keep swimming.....
I have been trying to concentrate my thoughts on God, and receiving the strength I need from Him....But it is hard, as I feel sorta like I have shut down emotionally to get through this time, and I feel almost like when I come to God, I have shut down there too...Not good, but I pray He helps me through this as well.
I sound sad and miserable, which I am not, and my life is not in the dumps, like I said, woke up in a foul mood.....which hopefully washes away with my shower!!