You didn't know becoming a parent meant...
• Stacking today's unread newspaper on top of yesterday's unread newspaper.
• Eating dinner like you're trying to break a Guinness world record for the most pasta swallowed in the shortest amount of time. Standing up.
• Letting your partner choose between poop and laundry as a conversation topic.
• Figuring out how to pee without putting the baby down.
• Wearing a bra that looks like something from a 1930s Sears catalogue.
• Spending three hours getting the baby to sleep and then waking him up two minutes later to make sure he's still breathing.
• Forgetting what you were...