Saturday, May 16, 2009

Woe is me! :)

Oh wow it has been too long since my last blog. Lately I find that instead of sitting down and relaxing when I need to it is no longer in front of the computer it is laying down and reading a book. I do from time to time think about blogging, however I feel like all I do is complain and am really working on that, and I think that I could too easily use the blogging tool for an outlet for my complaints. So today, on this lovely May long weekend, I am going to blog. I am going to blog my complaints and then beside them think of the positives to encourage myself.

Don't get me wrong, things aren't that bad, and others have things worse than me, that is why I don't feel like I have the right to complain.

1) I am HATING being pregnant (I am sure specifics will make the later list). I am not enjoying being impeded, feeling like a whale and all the fun stuff that goes with being pregnant. - I am loving the fact though that Gracie will soon have a baby brother or sister (I am thinking brother...we shall see if I am right) I am also enjoying the closeness it is bringing to my family, all the touching and kissing of my belly is pretty darn cute.

2) My blood pressure is high, not too high for medication yet, but we are monitoring me carefully. This brings a whole lot of worries for me, things I dealt with last time. - However at least being through it before, I do know what to expect and certain things like needing to be induced a tad early might not be so bad, at least I can plan better for caretakers for Gracie and what not.

3) We are on a budget......a very tight strict budget. Due to the recession, hubby will not be receiving a raise this year, in spite of working sooooooooooo much lately. This makes for a stressful time, and I am having a hard time with it. When I go shopping I tend to buy things. I guess I am an impulse buyer, it makes me feel good for some reason or another. And being on a budget, I just can't do that. Also birthdays come around and our family tends to go out for supper lots to celebrate, and we have had to bow out of a couple of family get togethers. - But, I do feel awesome that we aren't going into anymore debt!! I am so proud of us that we are working together on this and things are the way they are. There are no discussions or arguments, we both know where we stand, and make our payments and eat, and have the occasional outing, so for that I do know we are extremely blessed.

4) I can't bend over to play in the dirt.....I am sorry, I can't think of a positive for this one! lol

5) I really feel that my time left before the baby is born is so little now. 10 weeks to one sense, yipee!! it will be over soon......however, I am holding on to Gracie as being my only child and it is so hard for me to comprehend what life is going to be like after. I haven't felt any real "bonding" with baby xyz yet, and it is hard to imagine that he/she is ours. - Being through all this before though I am not as worried about adapting to life after baby. I was so scared when Gracie was born, I thought she would change everything....well she did, but I can't imagine life without her. And this is just another addition, it will become so normal, so quickly.

So there are five complaints of mine, worries I guess you could say. I have more.....but they don't seem quite as large as before, most comes under the heading of not loving pregnancy.

Well the outside warmth is calling me, so off I go to try and bend over again with no cramping!!


JMBMOMMY said...

I remember feeling the same way when I was pregnant with my second child. I loved my little girl soo much and loved being her mom--that I seriously couldn't imagine loving another child as much. It actually scared me a lot! But after talking to a group of moms--I found out it is a really common thing to feel that way. I still wasn't convinced..but you were right...all it took was holding that baby boy and watching my little girl's love for him--it was my heart expanded at that moment. Good for you about the budget! I need to be on a budget. I get out of control sometimes. We are not in debt due to it..but we could be saving so much more!

andrea said...

i can totally relate to much of what you are saying, pregnancy and me don't go well (another reason i'm adopting my next one), I had severe blood pressure, and I can relate to a I married an accountant. it's all tough and it feels like it all comes to you at once. Remember that you are making choices to help your family. I was terrified that I simply couldn't love my baby growing inside of me as much as the toddler I cared for...thankfully I was wrong.
Hang in there 10 more weeks til you meet this amazing baby!
rest up!

Amanda said...

Prayers that you start to fel more comfortable!!

Many blessings-

crystal said...

Next spring/summer you'll have 4 extra hands wanting to play in the dirt with you, Gracie and new baby. Hang in there!

Just Me said...

You give me a chuckle. This is my first time to your blog, and when your list started with how you do not like being pregnant, I totally related. My reasons were not necessarily the same, but I did NOT like the experience.

However, it passed. As you know, you will not be pregnant forever, and you will have such joy soon. God bless you and your family, and I hope that you will have the comfort and peace that you seek.

toomanywhatifs said...

It was so nice to finally meet you the other day! And in spite of how you 'feel', you look lovely! In reading this list of 'complaints' I see so many blessings! 1.) I see so much love in your heart. Too many little girls grow up never knowing they are loved. Gracie will not be one of them. Praise God for that! 2.) Gracie has a daddy and you have a husband who works hard and provides for his family. 3.) You have a marriage relationship that can actually communicate rationally about difficult situations, come to reasonable conclusions, and pull together to work out solutions! So rare! 4.) Whether you 'enjoy' it, or not, you ARE pregnant. What a priveledge that is. You have not had to deal with the heartbreak of those who cannot conceive. You are blessed. 5.) You are learning things in this financially difficult time that will serve you well for the rest of your life. 6.) You have family and friends who love you enough to invite you to stuff, even if you can't always go along. 7.) You have a God who loves you even more than you love Gracie!

There are lots more things I could list, and I know that you know all these things. Sometimes it's nice to hear them though, to be reminded.

My story

Welcome to my blessed life!! Meet myself, a 32 year old stay at home momma. Meet hubby, who I have been married to for 14 years. We got married right out of high school, and while there have been many hardships, my husband is my best friend, and I wouldn't change a thing. We are living life with a 6 year old Grade oner, Gracie and 3 year old toddler, Alysha, which has its challenges, but we love every minute of it. God has blessed us with everything we need as well as tonnes of great friends and family.